Thursday, December 2, 2010

Act 4: Heartbreak

Can I call? My sister would like to talk to you. :)

I was reading Alvin's message and I got a little worried. What does her sister want from me? Will she start interrogating me? What if she doesn't like my answers? Will she not anymore like me for her big brother?

I know that Alvin's sister is much younger than us, but I still am quite nervous. It's the first time I'm going to see Diane and to think that I'm starting to meet Alvin's family made me a little anxious.

Sure! Haha! But I'm scared, she might put me in the hot seat, lol

I pressed the send button and waited for his reply.

Of all the relationships I had, whether it be romantic or just for friendship, I always feel a little awkward during the time that I'll be meeting the family of the person.

I know that I won't be meeting Diane in person but the thought of talking to the sister of Alvin made me feel nervous.

- - - - - - - - - -
After the whole conversation, I was glad I was able to survive my first conversation with Diane.

Alvin was right, she was such a sweet girl. She never gave me any hard questions, but she definitely prodded. 

She asked me how I feel for her brother. She also looked at me and asked me how much I like him. Boy, she totally caught me off-guard with the question. Since Alvin was just there sitting beside Diane, he was also as surprised as I am with his sister's "interrogation schemes".

I didn't hesitate to answer all her questions and I said that I really like her brother. I would like to say love, but I'm not sure about that yet. Well, the safest word to say is like.

I really do like Alvin even though we haven't seen each other. It's been two months since my last relationship and even if I can't say I've totally moved on, I'm in the process of doing so.

I tried isolating myself from the world after my breakup with Gian but that would probably not do me any good.

Well, Gian and I never really had closure. We were doing fine as lovers but I really didn't know what happened; what went wrong. Until now, I still have lots of questions in my mind that were left unanswered.

One thing's for sure, I could say that of all the people who came into my life, Gian was the person I truly loved. Maybe because of the fact that he was the person I truly gave my heart to.

Gian is not actually the perfect guy, but for me, he's nothing less than what I want in a boyfriend.

He looks average, not the type you will do a double-look, but he has the personality which attracted me the most.

Gian is a little taller than me, and when I met him, I sort of saw my former self in him.

Before I met Kuya BJ, I didn't know how to actually present myself to others. Whenever I leave the house, the only thing I do is to put on a lousy shirt and some baggy jeans. I'll just comb my hair a little and I'm ready to go.

But everything changed when I met Kuya BJ. He taught me how to fix myself up, and he helped me choose my wardrobe.

I was really a total fashion disaster before but Kuya BJs eagerness to give me a makeover, I was completely overhauled.

My lousy shirts and baggy jeans were stored away for good, and I started wearing pretty decent clothes. I also learned how to properly use hairstyling products. From then on, I looked more presentable.

That was how Gian looked like when I first met him. Lousy shirts, torned pants and a backpack. That is Gian's usual getup.

Eventually, I became Kuya BJ to him. And like me, he was a little excited to change his fashion sense.

Everytime we are together, we would go shopping and looking for clothes that would fit him. I even join him whenever he gets his hair cut.

But Gian never really became my boyfriend immediately. We considered each other as close friends, and then eventually, we became best friends.

We did everything that best friends normally do, and we enjoyed each other's company. In short, we really clicked.

To be honest, Gian is the guy I'm looking for. He doesn't have any vices (does not drink nor smoke), he rarely goes out to party, and he is the type who would never leave you hanging.

I must say that he is also the martyr in our relationship. He usually gives in to my wishes and he cared for me like no other man did.

Of course he had flaws like he would usually tease me back after I tease him, or he would get a little angry and upset if I did something wrong, but he is usually the one who always apologizes.

Gian is the perfect boyfriend that a guy could have, specially in terms of emotional connection and commitment.

Before, I would usually say that he is a little insensitive for he sometimes did not reciprocate the feelings that I have for him, or he would sometimes not feel that I'm not ok with what he was doing.

He promised to change, and eventually, he became more and more sensitive after learning what ticks me off or what turns me on.

That's what I also liked about Gian. He knows how to adjust to my moodiness. I know I'm such a temperamental person and I really change moods instantaneously, but he was able to get used to it.

I even confronted him once about this and I asked him whether he disliked me for being moody. He just looked me in the eyes and said, "When I said like you, I mean it. I accepted you for who you are, and that includes all your flaws."

He then flashed me the sweetest smile I've never seen in my life. I wasn't able to say anything that time. All I did was to smile back and hug him really tight. From then on, I felt more secure and more safe with him.

As we spend more time together as best friends, my feelings for Gian grew stronger each day.

I felt that I am more willing to give in to what I feel and I think he is just waiting for my go signal.

One day, after too much debate whether to say how I feel or not, I've finally decided that I would let our relationship go to a deeper level. Even if I still have fears for he would be my first boyfriend if ever, I learned to let go of my inhibitions.

After our classes, I told him that I wanted to meet him and that I wanted to tell him something important. Even if he'll still travel quite a distance from his school to mine, he still agreed to meet me. He even told me he misses me and that he is also about to tell me something.

I was a little nervous, but also quite excited as I sat there in one of the fast food shops in Philcoa.

I was waiting for him to arrive.

I've thought of ways on how I would finally tell him how much I love him, and I even practiced my sort of prepared script in my head as I watched the people around me.

The more I waited, the more it made me anxious.

I just stopped thinking, took a deep breath and cleared my mind. I just told myself that it will all be alright.

It was already half past 7 in the evening and he still hasn't arrived.

I tried looking at my cellphone to know if someone texted but there was none.

I was already getting a little worried for normally, it would only take him an hour and half to get here.

Finally, my phone vibrated and a smile finally showed on my face.

Bes, I'm sorry. I'm already here in QC Circle. I know I'm late, I just need to finish something in the council office before I was able to leave the university. Don't worry, be there soon! Hugs!

I gave a sigh of relief knowing that Gian is fine and he is already near, but the fact that anytime soon I'll already be confessing to him made me quite nervous.

Eventually, I saw him enter the door of the fast food shop. 

He was carrying his backpack and he was smiling as he approached me. His hair was a little messed up, which I actually find cute.

"Hi bes! Sorry, I'm late. Whew, aside from the usual traffic, I need to submit something for one of the council's events (Gian is actually a college council member during that time). "

"It's ok! I totally understand." I smiled at him trying to contain myself from hugging him then and there.

"So, have you eaten? I'm sure you are hungry."

"I'm actually starving, you made me wait for a long time!" I said as I teased him while pouting and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Hey! I said I'm sorry! Ok, I'll treat you for dinner, c'mon! I'm also starving!" 

He smiled as he pulled my hand and signaled me to come with him. 

I was actually about to decline his offer but he was so persistent. 

He told me that it's his way to make up for the lost time. I just gave in for I know he won't allow me to pay no matter how much I protest.

After getting our orders, we went back to our table and sat. 

As we start to eat, we both began talking at the same time. He told me to go on but I insisted that he start. 

I was too engrossed with the whole idea of me proposing that I almost forgot that he was also going to tell me something.

I was hoping that he will be telling me the same thing that I'm about to tell him. That he felt that we should take our friendship to the next level. That way, it will be easier for me toconfess how I truly feel for him.

But I heard the thing I would least likely want to hear from him.

"Ok, fine. Bes, uhm, I'm currently seeing someone..."

His words began to fade as I stared at him. It is as if I became deaf to what he was saying.

I wanted to fool myself that I was just imagining things I'm hearing from him. But it continued to echo inside my head.

"Bes, I'm currently seeing someone..."

I tried to smile as I pretended to listen to him. Then, unexpectedly, a tear just escaped my eye.