Sunday, January 23, 2011
I was awaken from my daydream when I suddenly heard the dogs barking. Someone was calling my name.
I quickly took the gate key and went outside. From the door of our house, I immediately saw Enzo’s head peeking through the gate.
I went out and when we first saw each other, the same old feelings began to erupt from within me. I was trembling as I opened the gate, probably because of excitement and nervousness.
As the gate swung open, Enzo immediately hugged me. I was a little shocked with what happened but I hugged him back. He probably really missed me, the same way I missed him.
I placed both my hands on his shoulders as we broke the embrace. I looked at him from head to toe. My, how Enzo have grown. After three years of not seeing him, he really grew to be a fine young man.
Like what I’ve been seeing from his pictures in Facebook, his muscles have already developed through constant visits to the gym. He also had his hair cut really short and it’s not anymore dyed like it used to be. He looked more macho now than before. And more manly,I must say.
He was just looking at me smiling like a little boy. Despite the change in appearance, he was still the same Enzo I met a few years back.
I tapped his right shoulder as I smiled at him and directed him to go inside the house. He was carrying this box of pizza which he said he bought on his way here.
“Why did you still bother buying? We have food here, hindi ka na dapat nag-abala pa.” I said as he gave me the pizza.
“Oh, I bought this as pasalubong. You know me, I don’t like going here empty-handed. Nakakahiya.”He said blushing a little.
“Embarrassing? E kung sapakin kaya kita? You’re not anymore a stranger. You’re already part of the family!” I said while gently punching his left shoulder.
As we entered the house, my mom greeted Enzo with a hug and a kiss on the cheek like the usual. She even gave the same comments regarding the change in Enzo’s physical appearance. Enzo just bowed, thanked my mom and blushed like he never blushed before. Since Enzo has fair complexion, you would easily notice when he’s blushing, which I find kinda cute. J
I placed the pizza on the table as my mom started to prepare the food. Enzo again praised my mom as he sniffed the delicious smell of the food wafting from the kitchen. My mom just tapped his shoulder and said that it will be ready in a couple of minutes.
While waiting for lunch, I accompanied Enzo to my room. It was the same room where we usually hang out before.
“God I missed this place.” Enzo said as he laid his bag on the chair.
As I closed the door, he immediately hugged me from my back. I just sighed and smiled and turned to face him.
“I missed you dearly Enzo.” I said as I placed my hand on his cheek.
“ Oh Ahya… I do, too.” Enzo stared at me as if about to cry. He again used the same term of endearment he used to call me before. He told me it means “big brother” in Chinese.
“Aww... Shoti…” I, on the other hand calls him Shoti to mean little brother in the same language.
We then started to hug each other as I felt warm tears falling over my shoulder. I gently rubbed Enzo’s back so as to calm him down.
“Stop crying… We should be in a festive mood. Sige ka, pag nakita ka ng friends mo, sabihin nila, ang macho macho pero iyakin!”
“Let them! I hate stereotypes. It doesn’t mean that even if I look tough on the outside, I don’t have the right to do things that normal human beings do like crying. Hmp!”
Then we ended laughing with his retort. I rubbed his head as he looked at me smiling.
“Hah! You won’t anymore be able to mess my hair, because you don’t have anything to mess now.”
More laughter erupted in the air. I used to mess his hair before when it was still quite long, but now that he really cut it short, no matter how many times I rub it, no change happens.
After the laughter had died down, we sat down and started updating each other regarding our lives. I found out that he was already doing his thesis and he was just halfway through the end of his second to the last semester in the university.
I was so proud of him. He is almost done in conquering the course which I only dreamt of taking once when I was young.
Computer Engineering is one of the hardest courses which I fancied on taking when I was young. I usually told people that I’m going to be the next Bill Gates someday. Apparently, I wasn’t able to pursue it for when I was in high school, I figured out that mathematics and science were my weak subjects.
“Great job Enzo! Kudos to you as early as now!”
“Thank you Ahya. I still remembered before when I was about to enter college. I really still am grateful for everything you did for me. I’m sorry I didn’t push through with the application.”
“Aww, it’s already part of the past. Don’t anymore think about it. I’m still glad that you are about to graduate in a few months!”
Enzo smiled and sat beside me on the bed and placed his head on my left shoulder.
“I miss you Ahya… So much…”
“Shoti… A lot has changed. Time passed by so quickly that we even didn’t notice it… But even though we have been separated by time and space, I still am your big brother no matter what happens. And God knows how much I miss my Shoti.”
With that, Enzo again hugged me. Then he whispered something.
“I still remember back then when we used to fight because you wanted us to stay as brothers even if I wanted you to be my lover. You told me that being brothers is the best kind of relationship for the both of us. I really hated that. I cried every night just thinking that I can never have you and that you’ll never love me the way I loved you.”
I was in the verge of tears as he continued whispering those things to me. I would’ve wanted to tell him that I felt the same way as he did back then. That I also do love him more than as a brother, but I was afraid. Afraid of the commitment and of what might happen after we both confess our love for each other. I wanted to tell him that I just restrained myself from falling in love even if deep inside I know I’m sure with what I felt for him. I would have told him that a lot of things had been going on in my life which inhibited me from really being happy. But I stopped myself. I know it’s not right to just break the moment so I just kept silent and listened to him.
“But now I understood. I guess, we’re just not meant for each other. Maybe we really are just destined to be brothers. Then I realized that no matter how many breakups I experience, you’ll still be there for me. That no matter how many times I fall in and out of love, my big brother will never leave me. You will always be there no matter what happens. Then I smiled at the thought of being with you forever, even if you are not my lover, at least I won’t ever lose you.”
With that, tears started falling down my eyes as I felt the warm tears wetting my shoulder. I placed my left arm over Enzo’s shoulder and we stayed like that for a couple of minutes.
The silence of the room was calming. Only our breathing could be heard. But even if I’m crying, I felt light and I felt happy. For I know someone very special is right beside me, accompanying me. My little brother is right there and for the first time I didn’t cry alone.
We were fixing ourselves up when up when we heard a knock on the door. It was my mom telling us that the food is now ready.
We both wiped the tears from our faces and stood up and went to the table to eat lunch with mom.
We were happily exchanging stories over lunch and we were all very happy. It seems like it has been years since the table had been used for conversations over a meal. Normally, I would eat alone in my room for my parents don’t usually eat with me.
After a hefty serving of rice and viands, Enzo and I finally leaned on the chair and placed our hands on our tummies. We were so full that I even laughed at Enzo after teasing him that he already lost his muscular abs after eating a lot. My mom even wanted to serve us more food for like usual, she cooked a lot, large enough for the whole community to consume. But we were really already satiated so we just rested there as we continued chatting.
After lunch, Enzo and I decided to watch a flick. I tried mentioning movie titles and asked him if he already watched them but most of the titles I gave were already seen by him.
I then remembered this movie which my friends told me to watch and which I haven’t done so since it’s a horror-thriller film and I hate watching horror films without someone with me.
Fortunately, he hasn’t seen the movie. We were both excited as I set the TV and the player. He sat on my bed as he leaned on the wall. I got the pizza that he brought from the oven and placed it right beside him as I lied down on the bed.
The movie started showing a female newscaster trying to get footage of firefighter. The movie was about this apartment where people were locked up to quarantine them from an unknown disease that spreads like wildfire over every resident of the said building.
Since we were still both full, Enzo took the pizza away and he went near me. I looked at him and smiled as I turned to again to watch the movie.
Enzo slowly grabbed my hand and held it tight. We were both lying side by side on the bed while watching the film but my concentration was not anymore on the TV.
Enzo started to play with my hand as if it is a toy. He started caressing it and my heart started to pound in my chest.
He then turned to his side and placed his left arm on my chest as he still continued to watch the movie. I knew he felt my heart beating fast but he remained silent. I, on the other hand was getting a little nervous.
Then, all of a sudden, something happened. Enzo faced me and he started kissing my cheek. I was not moving and I kept my attention to the TV even if God knows how my focus was now on Enzo’s actions.
Enzo started to place his upper torso on top of my chest as he began kissing my lips. I felt his weight press down on me and I saw that his eyes were closed as he continued to plant gentle kisses on my lips.
I was caught by the moment. I know what we’re doing is wrong for I don’t know if Enzo is in a relationship or not and I know I still love the Gian. But with the thought of Gian happily dating Cliff and the heat of the moment, I started to loosen up a bit.
Enzo started opening his mouth and licking my still closed lips. His tongue then started to make its way to my closed mouth. At first I tried to keep it shut but Enzo started caressing my chest and my nipples which totally made me aroused. I began to open my mouth and we started kissing like there’s no tomorrow.
We started kissing passionately we both caressed each other’s body. He placed his hand on my head as I placed mine on his as we licked and sucked each others lips and tongue. My head was still shouting that what we’re doing is wrong but everything else kept on saying it’s right. It felt right and it felt good.
I would’ve pulled away but the images of Gian holding hands and probably kissing Cliff made me do Enzo more passionately than ever.
Enzo started removing my shirt and I raised my upper body so that he could remove it. We continued kissing as he played with my body. He also removed his shirt and we continued doing what we’re doing.
I felt Enzo’s skin against mine and a tingling sensation went down my spine. I know it’s not my first time but the fact that it has been quite a long time since I did it made me feel a little awkward. But I know I liked the feeling of my skin rubbing against another person’s skin. And the fact that I’m sharing this ritual with someone whom I once loved was so intoxicating.
Enzo went down and started licking my neck and my nipples. He kept his eyes closed as he went down licking almost every part of my chest. Then he continued down to my tummy and he pulled down my shorts and my underwear exposing my now hard manhood. After licking the surrounding area, he started to hold my thing and it slowly disappeared into his mouth. My back arched and my head bent backwards as the sensation kept on swallowing my whole body.
It was pure bliss. That moment was something that I had never expected. I’ve known Enzo to be a naughty guy but I know he still is the conservative type of guy. But right at that very moment, he consumed me like a wild animal devouring its prey.
We were sharing the heat of the moment. Enzo and I, skin to skin, body to body, sweat to sweat. We were like couples trying for the first time to savor the feeling of ecstasy with each other. That moment, I didn’t even care if what were doing was right. My mind was clouded with the feeling of pleasure that I can’t even think straight.
All I know is that during that time, Enzo and I had just released something that we’ve been feeling for each other all these years. That feeling that I’ve been hiding from him ever since he told me he loved me. I didn’t anymore think about the future and what will happen next. All I know is that at that very moment, I felt happy and very much alive.