Sunday, January 16, 2011
They were both laughing so hard that I can't help but join them. Alvin was also laughing right beside me that time. He held my hand tightly under the table as we all laughed along with Paul's joke. The only thing was, I can't seem to hold his hand back as tight as he was holding mine.
In the corner of my eye, I can't help but stare at the both of them. Terrence and Julius were so happy and so contented with each other. I, on the other don't know what to feel. Was it happiness? sadness? anger? jealousy?
We ate dinner, we chatted, we laughed, THEY enjoyed. I still find myself staring at the couple opposite us.
Alvin caught me looking at the two and asked me if I'm okay. I just flashed a weak smile at him and told him that I am fine. Again, he squeezed my hand to tell me that he's just right there beside me. I felt guilty, because no matter how hard I try to squeeze his hand back, I can't... My hand was looking for the same old feeling of being held, but it wished to be the hand of someone else.
As we stood up from our table, I was caught by Terrence while I was looking at him. He smiled and I just froze from where I'm standing. I was in a trance. It was such pure bliss. That would've completed my day. But as he smiled at me, an arm went over his shoulder which broke his connection with mine.
Julius kissed Terrence in the cheeks which transferred the latter's attention to the former. Then again, I was out of the picture. And out of nowhere, like an angel to the rescue, an arm also went over my shoulder. It was such a warm feeling. It would've been perfect if only the arm belonged to that guy who just smiled at me a while ago.
As we part ways, we all bid each other good bye. And like any other kind of farewell, it felt sad. All of us quickly hugged each other, which means me hugging Terrence.
As we hugged, a jolt of electricity ran all over my body. I would've wanted it to last. I would've wanted us to stay that way. The warmth of his body. The smell of his perfume. It was so intoxicating. I held on to him for like a few seconds until he was the one who broke free. A hand reached for my shoulder. It was Alvin. My angel, my savior. My lover. But no matter how much he loved me, I can't seem to love him back the same intensity he was giving me.
I hate this feeling. And as we all left Paul's restaurant, I looked back at the couple who seemed so satisfied with each other's company, and to my surprise, I also saw Terrence looking back at us. Our eyes met and he again flashed his sweet smile. I could've died that very moment, but I managed to smile back.
As we went the opposite direction, I bowed down and smiled, as an arm went over my shoulder.