Sunday, January 16, 2011
I just stared at him as he looked over the night sky. The cold wind made me shiver as I saw him hug himself trying to keep himself warm. That instant, I would've wanted to hug him. To be the one to keep him warm.
I wanted to be the person who can make him feel that he is not alone. I wanted to be the person who can comfort him when he is sad. I wanted to be the person who he can talk to when he needed someone. I wanted to be the person who will make him feel safe. I wanted to be the person. I wanted to be THAT person.
As I heard the sound of the waves hitting the shore, I thought of a time when I was with him.We would often talk until the wee hours of the morning. We would laugh together and share things with each other. We even did a lot of things together. But that was then. That was when I was STILL with him.
I stood up, went inside the cottage and grabbed my jacket. As I was about to approach him, something made my feet stop. The person who I want to be was already sitting right next to him. He already gave the warmth I'm supposed to give him. I was shaking as I saw them together, his arm over his shoulder. I didn't know whether it was the coldness of the night that made me shiver, or was it the fact that I will never be the guy beside him.
I know for a fact that he dumped me. I have all the reasons in the world to get angry at him. To get pissed at him for leaving me for another guy. But behind all those anger and hatred, I cannot deny that I still do feel something for him. I still feel the same feeling I felt for him during our 5-year relationship. I still do love him. And it hurts me that he can never be able to reciprocate that feeling anymore.
As I stood there, my hands continued trembling. I hugged myself as I bowed down, trying to erase from my mind the image of the two people who broke my heart. Unexpectedly, a tear just cascaded down my cheeks.
That night, I cried in silence as the waves continued to hit the shore.