Monday, January 10, 2011
It has been months and my relationship with Gian kept getting stronger. Gian was someone I wished I had ever since I discovered that I also lean towards boys. Gian was the materialization of the guy I would love for the rest of my life.
My last semester for college started just a few days ago, but I am still in vacation mode. Basically, my whole summer just revolved around my family, and Gian. We did spend a lot of time together and we often find the time to have a sleepover every once in a while.
I was listening to one of my professors during thesis class when I noticed that Danny wasn’t present. I knew Danny took the same class since she and Rina had been taking the same subjects ever since my relationship with her became a blur. I saw Rina sat in front of the class and I waved at her.
Actually, before everything came crashing down the hill, Rina, Danny and I had been planning to take this subject together since we had been an inseparable trio. Each one of us has his own specialty and we know we could utilize that to our advantage.
So here we are, without Danny. I asked Rina where she is but she has the slightest idea.
Anyway, just today, I learned that Danny already have a partner. A girlfriend to be specific. Well, Danny was the one who confessed that she is a bisexual. Growing up in a liberated country, Danny doesn’t have any qualms regarding talking about her sexuality, but she still wanted to reserve that fact only for people she is close with.
I also found out that the main reason why Danny took the job as a student assistant in the College of Education was because of Vic. Vicky or Vic for short is a 5th year student from the college and also the current girlfriend of Danny.
At first, I was shocked when I heard the news, but as a friend, I was happy for her. Well, she deserves to be happy. She had so much love to give and that only warrants love that is equal to what she could offer. Although at the back of my mind, I was still kind of worried because I don’t know who this Vic was. It’s not that I’m still jealous or something, but I just wanted to make sure that Danny won’t ever get hurt again. She had been suffering too much lately and I don’t want the world to crush her again.
As the class ended, we were supposed to create a group with four members for the thesis which will be our main key for graduation. Talking about nostalgia, this was the same setup when we first met Rina.
Of course, without any hesitations, I wrote the three names which will make up three-quarters of the group:
1. Marky Sy
2. Danielle Sandoval
3. Rinalyn Dy
There’s only one slot left and again, we had a hard time looking since almost everyone we know already have their own groups. It has been a tradition in our college that people already signed up in advance the people they think could be worthy thesis mates. Normally, it was based on friendship, but there are some who base it on the capability of the person. In our case, we based it on both. Now, we only need to find the fourth person which could complete the group. Apparently, there was this girl whom I know and had been one of my groupmates before and I don’t see anything bad getting her. Well, we are not actually that close but I know how she performs even if she is somewhat a little softspoken. Since no one is taking her in, we decided to approach her and she obviously agreed.
4. Charmaine Solano
I went up to our professor and submitted the paper and Rina and I waved good bye to Charm as we left the classroom. Since Rina still has a class, she bid me good bye and went the opposite direction.
I was left standing just outside our college building when somebody texted me. I looked at my phone and saw who sent the message.
1 message received
I quickly opened it, eager to read his message.
Hi love, how are you? I miss you. Would you mind spending time with me today? My last class will be finished in an hour. Do you have something else to do?
Well, I personally didn’t like the term “love” as a form of endearment but he insisted. I agreed only with one condition, that we should only use that term if we are alone or in text messages. In public, we still remain as best friends and we kept the term “bes” whenever we address each other.
I excitedly replied saying that I would be happy to spend time with him and I also missed him. Well, I really missed him. It’s been quite a while already since we last saw each other because he had been busy with his extra-curricular activities.
Like me, Gian is an active student. He is an officer in their college’s school council and also a dancer of the chearleading team. He actually told me that he had this secret desire to be part of the university’s chearleading team which is based in my campus. When he told me that, an idea crept up and I asked him if he wanted to just transfer to my campus. Although we belong to the same school system, we are studying in two different campuses since his course is not being offered in our campus.
He actually considered my suggestion. He was thinking of shifting to an engineering course since he particularly liked mathematics and science. Gian is really an intelligent student but like me, he was quite indecisive. He likes to do many things but he can’t decide on one. He wanted to take culinary, architecture, fine arts, and even medicine. Well, if ever he would transfer to my school, he particularly liked engineering. He also considered the course for it is where majority of his units will be credited.
I was really getting pumped up by the possibility of being with Gian almost every day. Talking about it made me think about Enzo. Our communication stopped ever since the last time we saw each other.
Our last was when Gian was sort of dating Cliff. That time, I was so depressed and alone that I desperately wanted someone to be beside me. And what made me really pissed with Gian was the time when I kind of asked him out. I said I’m going to the mall after class and since he doesn’t have any class that day, I hope he could accompany me. I never actually asked him out but I’ve been giving him hints and signs if he could come, but he never offered to accompany me, which is quite so unlikely of him. I felt bad that time because I really thought he would offer me his company given that he is my best friend. Apparently, I should expect the unexpected specially now that his attention is already divided between me and Cliff. I went to the mall and roamed around like a piece of shit. I don’t know why I’m there and I don’t have anywhere to go to. I just wanted to actually be with him. I don’t care whether it is in the mall or anywhere else as long as I’m with him, but he just said “take care…” That’s all.
The next thing I knew, He was about to meet Cliff that day. That was why he didn’t offer to accompany me. And what’s worse was that while I was alone and crying inside the cinema house, I didn’t know that Gian was happily watching a movie beside Cliff. I can’t anymore describe what could’ve happened that day but all I know was I feel like shit. My tears kept on pouring while I was walking, and people probably thought I’m crazy for I really am walking without any destination in mind. I almost got hit by a car while crossing the road and I can’t even remember how I was able to go home safe and sound.
The next day, my eyes were puffy. I can’t even open them properly. I wasn’t able to sleep that night for I just kept on imagining things between Gian and Cliff. How they looked perfectly happy while I sulk and drown myself in misery. Then all of a sudden, I received a text message from the most unlikely person I know.
1 message received
FROM: Enzo Panganiban
I was a little shocked to see the name that appeared on the screen. Not that we are not in good terms but ever since we had an argument regarding pushing our relationship to the next level, we seldom texted until it almost disappeared.
Hi Marky! How are you?
The message was short but it kind of stirred something in me. Well, I’m not sure what it was but I’m sure it’s not just anything I’ve felt before. I replied.
Hi too Enzo! It’s been quite a while! How are you? As for me, I’m doing fine. Nothing special really.
I made my message as sincere as possible. I really missed him, but when I said I’m ok, I’m not really sure. I know I’ve been in hell for quite some time and I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover but his message kind of gave me a boost.
Wow, good to hear that! Btw, would you like to meet up? For old time’s sake? What do you say?
He had my full attention. I was wide-awake when I read his message. I made sure that my eyes are not making fun of me. I blinked a few times but the message was still the same. Enzo is asking me out. Well, it’s not that we haven’t hang out before but after all that happened, this is the least thing I would expect to hear from him. I don’t know if this is what I wanted but it wouldn’t hurt, would it? He’s single that time, and technically, I still am, so there’s no harm. We’re not doing anything bad, right?
Sure thing! Yeah, for old time’s sake. Btw, would you mind going to our house? My mom missed you. It would be best if we spend time here.
I didn’t know if the message I sent him was the right thing to say. I’m not really comfortable of doing this but since I really feel bad about myself, I can’t anymore think straight. I feel selfish, and I feel so desperate. I really wanted someone by my side, no matter who the person is.
Are you sure? Am I not “banned” anymore? Won’t your dad get mad again? I don’t want him scolding you again. :/
I was surprised at how he showed he cared. He still cared for me after all. Well, I do still care for him, even just as friends. Regardless of what happened, we still had our best times and we shared a lot of things in the past which are really difficult to just ignore, forget and throw away.
One particular reason why I held back was because of my narrow-minded father. Ever since he noticed that Enzo kept on sleeping over at our house, he felt that we might be doing something illegal or something bad which was why he banned all of my friends from sleeping over. Enzo thought he was the reason for this but I told him no. My father just doesn’t trust me well enough. I knew we’re not doing anything bad and that we are innocent. But to just stop the whole issue, Enzo decided to stop visiting and to just meet me outside even if we knew it would jeopardize our relationship.
Nope. It’s ok. Let’s just not mind him. We know we are not doing anything bad so we should not be guilty. Let him think what he wants to think, I’ve had enough and I know I respect him enough but that should not inhibit me from being happy.
With that, we finally set the time he would visit me. Three days from now. I was a little excited to see him again but in a way, I’m quite nervous. But it was all set. I just have to make the most of it. And for the first time, it took my attention away from the person whom I love and hate at the same time.