Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Reflection




He stared at the moving curtains of his window. It flowed and moved freely along with the wind. 

He thought to himself, “I wish I could be just like the wind, free and uninhibited.”

He then closed his eyes and felt the stream of cool air brush against his topless body. His lean physique was being lighted by the sun’s rays. Months of going to the gym had finally paid off and now, David is ripping the rewards. He wished he could offer it to the person he loves, not to the person whom he was obliged to love. Finally, David dozed off.

It was already evening. The roads and pavements are now being covered by a mixture of light from the city. The metropolis was so alive, as if it was breathing.

Upon waking up, David stood up, went to the fridge and poured cold water on a glass. He then sat In front of his laptop and opened it up.

The portable computer sprang to life as David stared lifelessly in front of the monitor as it loaded. It was taking forever.

Usually, a Friday night would be something that most people would look forward to. David on the other hand despise this time. When most would enjoy partying and hanging out with friends after a week’s workload, David would just stay at his pad and spend his time watching trash on the idiot box. He had nothing to do. And most importantly, no one to share his life with.

David actually had a lot of friends. But when he resigned from work, his friends slowly resigned from him. David had to learn for a fact that money begets friends. He had lots of them when he was still a big shot, but now that he had almost lost everything, so does his friends. He learned it the hard way.

But to be honest, David still has someone. He has his girlfriend, who apparently probably would be partying and getting wasted during this time, along with her so-called friends, probably in a bar somewhere.

He doesn’t care anyway, and probably, she doesn’t too. Love and commitment does not exist in her vocabulary, and he’d rather keep it that way. The set up is perfect for him. For he knew he’d never ever love Monique, nor any other girl for that matter.

David chose to stay at home rather than lose himself after getting drunk. He’d rather stay indoors and contemplate on his life. It was his time. In his own sanctuary. No one would judge him. No one would care. And most of all, no one would know.

He went online and immediately opened a site which he discovered just a few days ago. It was a site which made David excited. For the first time in his life, he could finally let go of his inhibitions.

This site is where he could explore his other side which had been locked up for a long time. And as he waited for it to load, he kept his hopes up. He should be happy. And he knew for sure that he will.

There goes the red thing at the bottom of the site and that made David’s heart beat a little faster than usual. He can’t help but anticipate.

He clicked on his messages and there goes 12 unopened envelopes.

One by one he opened them, only to delete them afterward. He was already losing confidence. He was losing hope.

After deleting all of the messages that came, David sighed and and lost all hope. But as he was about log out, the messages box again turned red.

1 new message

David, not keeping his hopes up, clicked the button and waited for it to load.

“Hey there! While browsing the numerous profiles in this site, I came across yours and I think you are worth checking out. I find you interesting. Since I’m close to your place, would you mind hanging out for tonight? Maybe a good cup of coffee and a little chitchat would do.  Hope to hear from you.”
                                                                                                                        -Dark_devil

David, all of a sudden, smiled as he read it. There was something in the message which tickled his imagination. He would give this person a shot, although he knew that this might be just like any other guy in this site. He still pushed his luck. And for the first time that evening, a message had been replied to and had been saved.

David and the mysterious sender kept on exchanging messages for quite a while until he decided to invite the guy to his pad. David was a little hesitant about the idea but he urged himself. If this is for finally fulfilling my deepest darkest desires, so be it.

After sending the invite, he didn’t really know what came to him. He didn’t know whether it was lust or he was just lonely. He would’ve wanted to take it back, if only he could.

The guy agreed with the invitation and David, being a man of his words, began to respond with his exact address and some landmarks.

He anxiously waited for the guy. Aside from the fact that he was now thinking whether this guy is the real guy in the pictures, he began to worry about his safety and security. What if the guy was a serial killer? Or what if he was a robber? Nervous as he was, David kept his mind positive and hoped for the best.

After an hour or so, someone knocked on the door. David stood up and opened his door and there stood the guy whom he was chatting a while ago. He was the same person in the pictures. He stood 5’11, was wearing a tight-fitting collared shirt that hugged his muscular body, a pair of faded jeans, and a pair of branded slippers.

David smiled at the stranger and the guy smiled back. He let him in and offered him to sit.

Unmistakeably, David knew he was physically attracted with the guy. In terms of other aspects, he still can’t say, but based on their conversation online, he seemed to be a very interesting guy.

After preparing some drinks, the two got along well quite quickly. He found out that his name was Richard and that he was a corporate slave.

The conversation was spontaneous. They began to share things with each other which kept the connection. And apparently, they were both loving their time together.

Physically, the two really are connected. And even if their brain wavelengths sometimes went the opposite direction, they still were able to reconcile those differences.

Then as liquor hit the both of them, the air inside David’s pad started to heat up.

Simple touches and gentle slaps send shivers to the both of them. And David knew where this will all lead to. But he is already affected by alcohol. His lust level went up and he began to think of thoughts that he probably would not think about when he is not drunk.

But who cares anyway. David likes the guy and he felt that Richard also feels the same way. He didn’t anymore care that he has a girlfriend and he didn’t anymore ask whether Richard is fine with it. For all he knew, he was already kissing Richard in a wild manner.

If it was booze or it was loneliness, he cannot anymore say, but he knew that he liked what he was doing. Richard on the other hand started to give in to his desires and they shared with each other wild and passionate sex.

David, for the first time, felt that he is not alone. That Richard is with him all the way. He felt secure in the arms of Richard and he knew that what he felt towards the guy was more than just lust and desire. He knew fully well that he was the guy he is willing to give his heart to. After all the time that he’d been trying to deny the fact that he is a straight guy, even a hot and sexy Monique wouldn’t be able to turn him otherwise. He knew from the very start that he’s gay, only he was afraid to admit it.

But now, while savoring the feeling of finally being free like the wind, David finally accepted his true identity. And he is willing to give everything up even Monique, just to be happy. And like any other guy who wishes to find his one great love, David thought that Richard is the guy meant for him.

The whole evening had been a wild journey for both David and Richard, but as a new day starts, would the time they shared last?

 The next morning, David woke up with a smile in his face. He squinted as the rays of sunlight hit his eyes. The next thing he did was to reach for the naked body lying beside him.

Apparently, there was no one beside him. David tried to reach as far as he could on both sides but there was no one there. He sat straight and realized that he was alone in his bed. Naked, yes, but alone.

He tried to look for Richard, even just traces of him but he found none. He only saw his clothes lying on the floor. No Richard.

Then it hit him. And yes, it him hard. Again.

He tried to check his account but there was no message. He tried looking for Richard’s message which he saved but the profile was already deleted.

David sat there, alone. And for the longest time, his dreams of finally seeing true love were shattered, just like that.

The curtains on his windows again continued to move along with the wind.

The sun’s rays hit the bed which was witness to a journey of lust, awakening and rejection.

Then the monitor of the laptop dimmed and David saw his reflection. It was someone he hadn’t seen before. Someone else was staring back at him. And for the first time after a long time, the reflection let tears escaped his eyes and David knew that he will never ever again, let him be that person in that blurred and dark reflection.

2 comments:

kringles said...

3rd paragraph.. it hit me..

ıǝɹɯɐı said...

very dark. very very dark.