Monday, February 28, 2011

Act 22: Wilderness

“Do you feel something for her? Do you still love her?” Gian whispered as we both lie down beside each other on his bed.

After the braincell-draining thesis session with my groupmates, we all decided to call it a day. The three girls all went to the other room while me and Gian were left inside his room.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, do you still feel something for her?” Gian said in a very soft but serious voice.

“Why do you need to ask me that? You know the answer.” I said as I continue to look straight towards the ceiling.

“Would I even bother asking if I knew the answer? Well, I thought I knew the answer, but after what I witnessed awhile ago, I now doubt if I’m correct.” Gian looked at me and then turned to look up again at the ceiling.

“You don’t need to doubt me, Gian. You know that you are the only one I love and no one, even her, could change that. When I start to love someone, it’s difficult to change. And you know how much I love you.” I said firmly while looking at him.

Everything I said was true, although at the back of my mind, I still thought about Danny. We sure did have a lot of ups and downs together and I’ve treated Danny in special ways that I’ve never imagine. But I knew the truth and I know what I like. Whom I like.

I tried to erase the thought of Danny in my head and focused on the person beside me. He is the one who owns my heart and nobody else.

“I’m sorry. I never should’ve doubted you. I just can’t help myself getting jealous, knowing the past between the two of you.” Gian said, finally looking at me.

“Past, Gian. That’s why it was called the past. You are my present now, and hopefully, my future. Never ever forget that.” I said to Gian as I held his face in my hand.

Gian smiled as he stared at my face. He looked so cute and innocent when he smiles.

“To be honest, nothing really happened between me and Danny. We were just plain friends. Well, she’s my closest girl friend, but nothing more than that.” I assured Gian.

“Oh well, if not for that song, it wouldn’t have been awkward. Did Ate Rina know?”

“Oh, Rina. Nope, I don’t  think so, although I guess she smelled something fishy already awhile ago. What I’m more worried about is Danny knowing the real score between the two of us.” I sounded anxious just by the thought of it.

“But you know that not all secrets will remain hidden. Sooner or later it will come out, and you, of all people should know how to handle it. But you know I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.” Gian held my hand and squeezed it gently.

“I know. But the longer we could keep our relationship a secret from her, the better. I don’t think it’s the right time for her to know. Not here. Not now.”

With that, Gian hugged me. I know I’m being unfair to Gian and to Danny at the same time but I can’t help it. I must protect myself and my friends, although I know at the back of my head that it’s inevitable. I’m just not ready to face the fact that the first ever closest girl I knew whom I turned down would find out that she courted a bisexual guy.

I tried to close my eyes for a while, trying to clear my head. I don’t want to think about it. I’m already stressed out with my academic life that I don’t anymore want to add more stress to my life. I’ll just deal with it when the time comes.

Moments later, I felt Gian body-hugging me. The kind of hug where someone wraps all his limbs around you. What I felt that time was warmth. Warmth inside and out.

Gian’s face was so close to mine that I felt the warmth of his breath. I tried to look at him and I saw through the corner of my eye that his eyes were closed.

I tried to adjust my body in a position which is more comfortable for me, but he hugged me tighter, as if telling me that I should not move.

Then, all of a sudden, Gian whispered something in my ear.

“Do you want to continue what we were doing awhile ago? I’m sure no one would disturb us now.”

All I felt that time were goose bumps all over my body. Did I hear Gian correctly?

I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep.

“I know you are awake, you don’t need to pretend.” Gian said smiling while still keeping his eyes closed.

I tried to suppress my emotions but I can’t help it. I smiled and almost burst into laughter. Darn, he knew me that much.

And then came the tickling. A never-ending tickling moment.

He kept on tickling me on my sides and I can’t help but beg him for mercy.  But I knew him better.

When he was about to stop tickling me, I retaliated.  I tickled him in all parts of his body.

His eyes were already watery and he was laughing like mad. I never knew that he was that ticklish.

Sometimes, when I would stop and his laughter would subside, I would again pose like I’m going to tickle him and he would laugh immediately without me even touching him yet. That’s how ticklish he was and I’m loving every moment of it.

“Haha, akala mo ha, now that I know your weakness, dare to tickle me again and you’re dead!” I said to him while laughing.

“Hindi na, hindi na, can’t you see, I’m already waving a white flag here! I surrender!” Gian said trying to stop from laughing.

We both lied down on our backs. We were sweating but we were both laughing at the same time. We were really having a good time.

When our laughters subsided, he lay on his side while supporting and keeping his head raised with his right arm and hand as he looked at me. I kept both my hands in front of my chest and looked at him at the same time.

“I love you.” He said while looking straight to my eyes.

I smiled.

“Why?” He asked.


“Really, c’mon, why?”

“Nothing. I’m just very happy. Never did I imagine that I would feel this way. It felt so light. So carefree.”

“And why is that? You’re a nice guy, haven’t you imagine yourself being with someone else, say Enzo or Kuya BJ?” He said mockingly.

I frowned when I heard him say the names of the two guys who became part of my past.

“Here we go again.”

“Seriously, wouldn’t you be happier if you’re with one of them? Or maybe both of them?” He said it while grinning.

“Yeah right. Now you’re making me look like I’m desperate.” I said while rolling my eyes.

“Honestly Gian, you make me smile in ways that I cannot fathom. You make me feel better when I feel bad. You make me feel important even if I’m not. You do things for me that I really appreciate, no matter how big or small it was. You make me feel different.”

“It’s because you’re special.” Gian said.

“Yeah, special child!” I said sarcastically.

“No, special gift. Someone I’ve been praying for all these years. And now that I finally found you, I won’t ever let you go.” Gian, again, made me blush big time.

“Same here Gian, same here. After everything I’ve been through in life, I never thought that something great would come my way. When my whole world was slowing crumbling, you came, and I was able to keep it all together. Thank you Gian. For being you. For being the person that I truly love!”

Gian slowly moved his face closer to mine and our lips met. He kissed me. My heart beast faster and my hands started to get cold. Gian and I had been to intimate moments before but not this intimate. We own the place, we own the room. No one would bother us. No one would see us. It is just me and him and no one else.

I began to strip off my inhibitions and I let my love for him flow freely. I couldn’t contain it anymore. I’ve been trying to hold back the feelings inside me and I knew it’s the right time to let it all out.

It all started with short and slow kisses. The next thing I know, we were both kissing passionately. Half of his body was already on top of me and we were wildly kissing. Lips rubbing each other and tongues in a swordfight.

His hand travelled across my chest and he began to rub my nipples through my shirt. We were both giving in to temptation. Our rational minds were clouded with the mist of passion and desire.

I looked at Gian and I saw how hot he looks in his black wifebeater shirt. I took it off and then I started caressing his chest.

Since Gian is a cheerdancer, he was able to maintain a fit body, and you would feel the muscles in his chest. I also played with his nipples as we continued french kissing each other.

He then also took off my shirt and our bodies began to rub with each other. His warm skin touched mine and I felt a tingling sensation. It was my first time with Gian but I felt comfortable with him. Maybe because I’ve been preparing myself for this. I know it will come sooner or later, and eventually, it did.

Gian was so hot while topless and that surely turned my life upside down.

Our bodies began to dance in that middle of the night. We were sharing something intimate and we knew we were wide awake on a time when most people were already asleep.

It was our own time, our own world. We were like prisoners who finally got out of jail and tasted freedom for the very first time.

Our clothes went flying everywhere as we began to express our feelings for each other through our bodies.

We were two souls sharing a single purpose.

We tried to keep the volume down but we were both engulfed in lust that no one bothered anymore if we did make a sound. All we know is that we were together, we were enjoying each other’s company, and we were finally giving each other the thing that we’ve been keeping all this time.

We slithered and we slide on top of each other as we explore and discover each other’s bodies. His tongue started to play right from my mouth down to my chest, then to my tummy, and then to the thing that I had been keeping inside my jeans.

He held it and he put it in his mouth like a hungry wolf. He devoured me like hell. He licked, he sucked. I was in a state of pure ecstasy.

Inevitably, we both let everything flow. And on each others arms we fell, tired, sweating, and satisfied.

My head was on Gian’s arm as we both lay on his bed. We were chuckling after making love and we can’t help it. We looked at each other and we kissed.

“I love you beshie.” I said sincerely.

“I love you too!” Gian responded while kissing my forehead.

We were beside each other, naked and all, when all all of a sudden, someone knocked on the door. I heard a woman's voice. Danny?

We both jumped, and for the nth time that day, I blurted out.